FIGHT!!

If you are reading this, then chances are you know me. If you don't know me, and you just happened upon this page by chance, then know this: your life is a cold and dark place, and only by knowing me can you ever be truly happy. Sorry.

So anyway, if you know me, you know I have a reputation for being fairly polite and mild. I get along with nearly everyone I've ever met (those few people who don't like me are far beyond hope or redemption). I've recently been feeling like I never stand up for anything. I never feel strongly enough about anything to impose my will on others, or to yell. I hate conflict, and I usually have no problem compromising. I don’t get into fights, and I never have to instill fear in others to get what I want. I was once in a romantic entanglement where I fought for "the girl", but was forced into a situation where self-sacrifice was the only option (I disappeared so she could be happy with someone else with no interference). Anyway, all these things about me have got me wondering. Am I a spineless wimp? Am I a pushover? Do people think I'm scared (pronounced uh-SCAIRD) of my own shadow? It's really been bothering me lately.

I've really been considering this, and here are my conclusions: I don't feel as if I've been put into many situations where I've had to fight for the things I really care about. The daily situations I encounter aren't things I consider to be worth fighting for. I should really count myself lucky that I don't have to fight for the love of my fiancé', the safety of my friends and family, and for my own well-being. I feel that most everyday concerns are trivial, and complaining, arguing, and fighting just contribute to all the negativity in the air. Yes, I know the morning weather forecasts don't include a negativity index, but maybe they should.

So, am I a wimp for not being imposing and aggressive? I suppose it's up for discussion, but I don't think so. If anyone wants to voice a dissenting opinion, just let me know, and maybe we can arrange a beating, er, meeting.

-Da Monkey

I've figured it out!

During football season, and especially around Super Bowl time, I'm always aggravated by people's obsession with professional sports. I've always been perturbed with how everything centers on sports, and how people idolize professional athletes. I know my feelings stem from the fact that I wasn't good at sports as a child, and I was bullied by jocks in school, so I find it disturbing when physically adept individuals are revered and held above everyone else as an example of perfection. Anyway, this post isn't really about my issues, but about an epiphany I had. I now understand why people pay so much attention to sports, and why they align themselves with their favorite teams. People like to say "WE'RE doing great this season. WE have the best defense (pronounced DEE-fense) in the League." Of course even though they say "we", they aren't ON the team. They don't get a big fat paycheck and a sneaker deal, so I've always wondered why people are so quick to include themselves in something, which in reality has nothing to do with them. People do this because the athletes represent what they want out of life. People want to be paid for something they love doing. People want attention and praise. People want to be in top physical condition. People want to be financially secure, and obscenely rich. In this realization, I noticed that while I pretty much hate sports, I do the same thing. I idolize and pay attention to movies and video games, because they represent what I want out of life. I want to be nine feet tall, with a gigantic enchanted battle axe. I want to have bags full of gold and throngs of townspeople thanking me for saving their village from the slime beast of Theraphlaxx. I want to have a starship that takes me to the farthest reaches of the galaxy and beyond in the blink of an eye, and because of this, I align myself with these things. Now that I understand this about people, and about myself, it doesn't make me dislike sports any less, but I can tolerate it a bit more. Besides I bet I have more virtual gold than most of those professional football players, so there!

The person I'd hate to meet

I am perceived as a "big guy". I'm 6', 250lbs (optimally), and I people think I look "intense". I get a lot of "whoah, you scared me" and "Is everything OK?" from more than one of my acquaintances. In reality, I'm very shy, and very uncomfortable in my own skin. It takes me a while to warm up to someone enough to be myself around them, and to be at ease. I'm very much a pacifist, and I try to be nice to everyone I meet. So I'm a little surprised when people think I'm some sort of caged animal, ready to blow up at any moment. It's a bit insulting, actually. I'm not trying to scare people. I always say "I sure would hate to meet this guy that people seem to think I am." I do have a fierce temper by nature, but I'm usually good at controlling it. The people who say all these things have never seen me "lose it", and the times I have "lost it" have been very few, and very brief. Maybe instead of getting a costume for Halloween, I'll just go as "that guy". Then again, maybe not. I might just creep myself out.

Going Crazy .... er

I am going absolutely ca-RAZY! CrazyCrazyCrazy! I am seething with energy and emotion. I have been for the past few days. The problem is I can’t find a suitable outlet for all of it. I suppose I need an adventure. Of course time, money, opportunity and circumstance prevent me from signing onto a pirate ship, slaying a dragon, discovering a lost temple, or fighting the hordes of the undead. I don’t really feel like playing a musical instrument, playing a video game, reading a book, or watching a movie either. I’m about to a splode! I’ve got at least two book ideas churning in my sour curdling grey matter at the moment, but I really don’t feel like writing them out right now. I suppose the question is what do I feel like doing? Starting a war? Making love? Making a sandwich? Haven’t figured it out yet.